A Depressing Topic.

It's Friday the 4th January so we are 4 days into the new year.  I woke up feeling good but then started feeling blah and teary for no reason and wondered why.  Had some Magnesium as that usually helps but then I remembered today as something different.  Thirty years ago today I was in a hospital so I missed daughter L's 1st birthday.   Happy Birthday L.  Sorry 'bout that.

I was put in hospital a week or 2 beforehand for what the doctors called "Chronic Clinical Depression"   I only remember bits of the years leading up to it, husband says it's better that I don't remember things.  He says things weren't good.   I know it wasn't a good time for the kids...But I got better so today surprised me.

This time of year there are many people going through a hard time and some blame the Season.  The being alone over Christmas and New Year period.  They tell everyone that they are "depressed", maybe they are.  Maybe they are just sad, lonely and afraid.   This is different to true Depression

Depression is a bad thing, it mucks with your head and you become someone different.  Sometimes someone not nice.  There seems to be a lot of it around and sometimes I wonder why.  What makes some people so sick that life becomes a chore and they want out?  What makes us feel so bad that each day is an effort?

 I know a few people that suffer from Depression and have been on medication and seeing counsellors for more than 20 years and I hear others talk of the same.  Twenty years!   I can not get my head around that.  Twenty years and still not "better"   Why would someone continue taking pills and doing the same thing for 20 years when it hasn't worked, when they still need medication and counselling?  I truly don't get it. 

A lot of these people drink and smoke and eat crap to relieve the stress and pain of their Depression, does this work for them?  Maybe.  Maybe they would be worse off if they didn't.  Maybe. 

I was talking to someone about this recently and they told me that I didn't understand.  That I would never know what they had been through and so shouldn't try to give advice.  I had told her she should stop filling her body with poisons and she might have a chance at getting better and she didn't like that.  Said it wasn't that easy.  But what if it was that easy?  Give it a go and tell me in 3 months that you don't feel better.  Don't tell me that I don't understand.  Been there, done that. 

And don't blame your childhood for how you are today.  Some people have really crappy childhoods, some get hurt so bad..., some people have major losses to deal with...  Of course it's going to mess with our head.   Don't let it ruin your life though.

I believe that Depression can be fixed, that people can recover from it, that they can get better.  If you suffer from this please don't take offence at anything I have written.  I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm saying that if what you have been doing for the last 20 or how many years is not working then just try something different.  It may be that simple.

Stinging Nettle and Rosehip Tea.

I am a coffee drinker.  The second thing I do in the morning after getting up is have a coffee.  Hot.  Strong.  Bit of milk...I have a couple throughout the day and I like one sometime at night before bed.

When it is hot though I prefer a strong white tea during the day.   Well did anyway, up until a month or so ago. We read something about Rosehip tea with blackcurrant juice added being good for iron.  One daughter went shopping and brought me back some Rosehip tea and juice.  It's nice.  Another daughter came for a visit and brought some Stinging nettles to make tea with.   It was nice with just a touch of honey...   Now as there is only so many cups of tea that I can drink in a day I started mixing them together.

I put 2 cups of water in a jar and nuke it 'til it starts to bubble.  Take it out and add a Rosehip teabag and a teacage of Stinging Nettles.  Pour in a slurp of Blackcurrant juice.  Makes 2 cups.  I have one hot and the other warm.   SO NICE!!!   I try to have 2 jars a day.


This is the first lot of tea in it's bag.  It is finely chopped.  *They* tried to get me to put my hand in and feel it but I know them and knew they were up to something.  This stuff stings/itches you if you touch it just like the living plant does.  It loses that once the hot water has been added.   I was told that this stuff can be added to soups and cooking too.

 A cup of Stinging Nettle and Rosehip tea.  

From jar to mug...just for me.

I was getting low on my supply but the SN DD had found a source for Organic Stinging Nettle Tea and we were awaiting her order.  She brought the bag around last Friday..  Below is me (on my birthday!) with the bag.  A massive bag with a kilo of dried Stinging Nettles in it.   The jar that I had ready was not going to be anywhere near big enough for my half so I had to take stuff out of others...I now have 3 big, 500gm, coffee jars full.  This tea is not as finely chopped as the last lot but we all, well the three Stinging Nettle Tea drinkers, had a cup and it tastes the same so no problems with that.

I don't know how this $30 a kilo tea compares to the shopbought black tea leaves pricewise but I think this will be my main tea from now on.

It has been said that I am *not allowed* to grow the SN here so buying it this way is what we will do.

Can't Breath Again.

This is a bit of a whinge as I had to go to the doctor again this morning so feel free to skip. (wish I could skip. lol)
A bit of background...I was (am) *fat and unfit* and tried for nearly 2 years to rectify the problem but didn't seem to get any fitter no matter what I tried.  Toward the end of last year I started getting chest pains and not being able to breath whenever I exerted myself.  It got to the stage that I was huffing and puffing just getting into bed and a quick walk across the yard had me clutching my chest and gasping for air.
Went to the doctor at the end of 2009 to find out why.  Had heaps of tests and they showed that my heart and lungs were good and healthy but I was iron deficient anaemic, I had an ulcer.  A few more things wrong but nothing serious.
Fast forward 10 months of taking tablets and more tests and I am right back where I was last December.

The doctor this morning was a different one from the one I have been seeing since last year and after reading my information and results from all the tests he says that my problem is "very complex" and if this lot of extra tablets don't make a difference than he would recommend my seeing a hematologist.   I asked about an iron injection in the butt but he says that wouldn't work as it looks like the iron is there now but not being used.  More blood tests need to be taken but I am really over it.  I just want to be able to function in the way I used to a few years ago.  This bloke says that it will be hard to improve on the fitness until the problem is sorted.

I feel like crawling into bed and sleeping the day away.  But I need lunch first.

So, whinge over.  Now, what to do.  I will continue to eat properly.  I will still do the walking that I do now.  I will try the bike again.  I will continue to take the bleedin' tablets.  I won't give in and eat crap and do nothing even though I want to a lot more than I used to.

The thing is though...I don't want to have to always take medicine to work on the symptoms.  I would like the cause found and fixed.  This doctor says that it's not that easy.    I will take this lot of tablets and if they work I will keep taking them but I also want more answers so will asked more questions at the next doctor visit.

Catch Up Day.

I need to do have a *catch up* day and as that is doing everything what I needed to do last weekend plus what I need to do today I really should be out there doing it insteat of in here having breakfast.  But hey, I needed food.  And a coffee!

I rode the bike around the block last Friday, then an hours walk the same day.  A ride on Sat and a bit of mowing and I'm out for the rest of the weekend.  Did a bit on Monday but my hands weren't really working properly so after too many accidents called it a day.  Not home all day Tuesday so have heaps to try and do to catch up but needing to remember not to go overboard as I am still not *quite right*

I won't go for a ride this morning.
The mowing and whippersnippering will be left. 
I won't be able to clean out the chookyards as that's involves raking and carrying bags of wet hay...might just throw some dry hay in them and do them next weekend.
Can't vacuum and that's a bugger as Hubby is due home today.
Wood box needs filling up.  

I need to do some planting.  That's easy enough, doesn't matter if I drop things there. 
I'll be able to sit in the sun and finish my book.
A short walk is doable.
Wow, sounds like a busy busy day...I better go get started.

Getting Fitter.

I have been riding the pushbike most days over the last few weeks, walking on the days when I haven't ridden.

I am pleased to say that I think the iron tablets have finally kicked in and started to work.

I had another bloodtest a week or so ago and need to go see the doctor for the results but I can tell that they are working by the way I am feeling.

I am no longer gasping for air before I get to the corner and though I am huffing and puffing still it is a good huffing and puffing, not an "I'm gonna die" one.

The doctor did put me on another lot of tablets as well a couple of months ago and I think it was those that have made the differece.  I have been taking the iron tabs for nearly 9 months and there was not a lot of improvement and all the tests were showing that there was nothing wrong and no reason for having no iron in my blood so I am pleased that it looks, feels, like something is finally working.

Now the hard work of getting fit is needed.  But as I can breath and am no longer getting chest pains when I try to do anything it shouldn't take too long.

It's up to me and I need, and want, to be healthy and fit as it makes things a lot more fun.  So I'm off for this mornings ride.  Who wants to join me?  I'm only going around the block plus up to the bridge and back, all up maybe 25 minutes.  Coming?  Lets go then...

Eat Healthy, Be Healthy.

I am not well again, I have yet another cold.  This would be the 3rd in less than 2 months and I'm pretty sure why.  It's because Hubby has been home and I have been eating more crap food than decent stuff.  And yes, I know I can't really blame him, he doesn't actually hold me down and shove it in but he has been home more days than not over the last 5 weeks and he is a crap food buyer and eater and because it is here I eat the stupid stuff too.  So that makes me stupid aye.  It's not like it is nicer than the healthy fresh stuff.  I mean gosh, melted cheese on WHITE!!! bread.  How is that nicer than a freshly picked orange.  It wasn't, I knew it wouldn't be, I ate it anyway.  Stupid.

He is back at work this week and I am going to be eating nothing but healthy stuff.  I have made up a big pot of lentils and vegetables, I have plenty of eggs, oranges, fish and meat if I want that.  The crap he left here has gone to the chooks, the icecream is out in the shed freezer, my fridge is pure again.

I am having hot lemon and honey drinks today with a couple of  sleeps so by tomorrow I will be feeling up to getting out and doing stuff.  I need to start walking again, that seems to stop when he is home as well.   I think I need to work on self discipline, doesn't look like I have any when he is around...

I have been reading a thread on Fabulous at fifty on the Simple Savings site and the last couple of days I have felt anything but.  Reading other women's thoughts on the subject did get me to throw out some daggy clothes that I no longer like though and I think as I feel better I will get rid of some more.   Eventually, maybe, most of the crappy clothes will be replaced with things that look halfway decent.  That might keep me eating the way I want to as well.  It can't hurt anyway.

I need to get fitter, it will enable me to do heaps more.  Just got to get those bleedin' iron levels up.  I am still working on that.  I need to have more tests next week as the blood test that I had last week shows that they are still too low and the doctor says they need to find out why so they can be fixed, then I will be able walk at a decent pace to get fitter.  So that's another reason that I shouldn't be eating cruddy food.  If I want to be healthy then I think that any food that goes into the body should be healthy.  At least more healthy stuff than cruddy stuff. and now I have made a start again I will stick to it, even when he is home. 

This is why we grow our own food.  So we can have fresh, healthy food every day.  Why I don't stick with that I have no idea. 

Off to have a bowl of soup.  And an orange!

I Thought I Was Kinda Healthy But...

I have been to to doctor and had more tests this year then in the last 10, since the round of tests to tell me I had Fybromyalgia. I thought I was quite healthyish, apart from the fat and unfit bit and the chest pains and not being able to breath stuff.

At the end of last year I learned that I have no iron and very low red blood cells, the reason for the pains and not being able to breath so was put on iron tablets. After another blood test there was no change so testing to find out why began.

The doc also felt that I have an enlarged liver so after a scan on that yes it is enlarged also surrounded by fat as is my pancreas and I have gallstones.

Wednesday was the cameras down and up and that tells me that I have an ulcer!

I also have an enlarged uterus so am getting a scan on that next week.

It seems like I was better off before the first bloodtest. lol.

I have kept up the moving though and can walk further than I could 3 months ago and I am riding the bike as well. If the next bloodtest shows no or little change then I will ask for an iron injection or an infusion. After all, that is really all I wanted. Enough energy to be able to walk and get fit and if that tkes a jab in the bum then so be it.

Our diet is mostly healthy, we eat fresh unprocessed food that we grow ourselves so that is not the main problem but getting enough iron through diet is bloody hard.

Getting Healthy.Week 1

The beginning of my Get Healthy journey started with a couple of visits to doctors. Are the pains that I get in the chest serious? Is the not being able to breath going to kill me? I needed to know these things before I killed myself with getter healthier.

So tests were done and showed that my heart is mostly OK but as I still couldn't breath and still get pains I went to another doctor on Tuesday. She listened to me cry then arranged for some breathing tests and a chest x-ray. Had these done on Wed then saw her again and she confirmed my fears.
I am fat and unfit. Who would have guessed.

I don't have Asthma, my lungs are good and healthy...I do have a palpable liver apparently and need to get an ultrasound on that. Had blood taken Friday morning to be tested for all sorts of things but really, it looks like I'm just so unfit. No idea how that happened. lol. I do still walk. OK not far and not fast 'cause I can't breath and I get chest pains when I try but still...and I use the exercise bike most days.

So anyway, I need to stop being a Sooky LaLa and start pushing myself more.

Doctor wants me to do a *brisk* walk for 10 minutes each day, for a week. OK, what is *brisk*? If it's any faster than what I have been doing then I can't do it. I can't breath and get chest pains. You know the story. She came up with 1/2 km in 10 minutes. Sounds easy. I measured and the bridge is 1/2 km from here. I did this walk this evening. T. was with me. I was out of breath and gasping, with pain in the chest area before we were half way there.
I was nearly crying. Don't know if it was from frustration, scaredness or just sookiness. lol. Anyway when we were nearly at the bridge I realised that it was 1/2km home again. Now I was really crying. (Not really but it does sound more dramatic doesn't it? lol)

Tomorrow morning I will walk *briskly* to the first corner and back. That will be nearly the right distance.

I will record each day and see how much better I am by next weekend. Sounds like a plan. Anyone want to join be on this Get Healthy journey?

These *brisk* walks will be in addition to the other 2, slow, walks that I already do and I will still do the exercise bike.

The Old Grey Mare...

AKA me, sure aint what she used to be.

I am probably the unfittest that I have ever been and I get so out of breath and with chest pains that it sometimes scares me.
So the last week I have started walking again. I can walk, slowly, without huffing and puffing and feeling like I am going to collapse, for 11 minutes. I timed myself this morning. However after that 11 minutes I was still quite a way away from home so that was a bit of a bummer!

I have been to the doctor and had my heart checked and apart from a couple of iregularities been told that it is OK. So knowing that walking shouldn't kill me I have no excuse and will try and keep it up and improve on it each week.

I have also given up the popcorn, for awhile anyway. Will see how I go with that. I honestly think I am addicted to the stuff.